I'm exhausted. Physically, emotionally, it seems to have worn on my soul in ways that could never be expressed. All at once, all of the sudden, I've been hit with something..I don't know if it's an illness, or mental, or what. I feel as if I could sleep forever. I barely make it out of bed, and when I am out, I'm dizzy. The feeling is in the pit of my stomach day and night of something that's to come, some impending doom. I have no idea what it could possibly be.

The little secret we've been trying to keep was almost exposed the other night. A simple outing turned into a race from hell. Vultures they are, looking for something, anything, to destroy character and grace. It turns my stomach, literally, to think that people actually have to live like this every day of their lives. I knew this kind of thing went on, but I never knew it got to this extreme. Prisoners in our own home at times; it's scary. I've said a thousand times I should just leave, allow things to return to normal, allow her to have her life back again, doing what she was meant to do. I feel as if I hold her back, that she wants to get back out there as she was before. I listen to excuses of how I have nothing to do with it, that her own mistakes have led her to her current situation..but I certainly can't be helping any.

If you love something, let it go..isn't that how the story plays out? Perhaps I'm just not strong enough to let her go. She's been my salvation..together I feel we've changed the world in some small way. To come from something like that, it's a gift in itself, and I require nothing more. Yet she keeps giving, more of herself every day to me.

And yet I'm still forced into the shadows.

- - 2009-02-16
- - 2009-01-22
Money Troubles - 2008-10-31
Missing - 2008-09-27
- - 2008-05-26