2005-06-07 @ 6:38 a.m. There is a large difference between those that are actually depressed and those that pretend to be depressed for attention. It's always difficult to distinguish the two, but if you have an eye for these things, it's easier that the difference between night and day.
People seem to think that I am depressed, down in the dumps, sad, suicidal, whatever. Truth is I'm not. My words may be dark and my attitude towards things may be negative, but that doesn't necessarily mean I am sad.
To be sad one must care about something enough to feel sorrow about it. To be depressed, one must care about life to be so upset that things aren't going well. I've realized that I don't care enough about anything to be sad or depressed. I'm simply embracing this new way of life..not giving a shit.
Those that seek attention, well, the type is easy to tell. I have seen it a lot in my life. I used to feel sorry for those people, until I realized it was all a subconcious act to get attention, something they are missing in life.
I'm not missing attention, I realize this now. I have plenty of it, sometimes too much. What I am missing is the emotion to care anymore. I simply don't care. I'm not sure when I hit that point, but now that I have, finally, it feels pretty damn good.
I haven't shed a tear in days. I haven't blasted depressing music and daydreamed about what could've been. None of that. I've been enjoying the things I have, but not enough to miss it should it be taken away.
I think I've finally found the place within myself that I wanted to be. Closed off? Absolutely. And there's nothing wrong with it.
My Past with No Future