Return of sorts
2006-01-24 @ 10:40 a.m.

Well, it's been a while, hasn't it. I was going to start by reviewing all that had been said here, and thought it best to just write what's current.

In the aftermath of disasters, I've come to really discover what life is all about. I've spent weeks...actually months...seeing the strength in complete strangers and feeding off of it. It's hard to explain where I've been, what I've been doing, who I've met and been with. It's still overwhelming and exciting all at the same time.

I've longed to scream to the world the person that's been at my side. It's a constant struggle actually, the constant secrecy. It's the worst case of 'coming out' anyone could probably imagine. In fact I don't think people can imagine it fully. Because she's not someone that has to simply come out to friends and family, but in fact the world...try swallowing that one on a daily basis.

She has a name in fame, and that makes this all the more difficult. We can't kiss or hold hands in public. In fact our public life is very limited. We shroud our relationship with other women to make it look like a simple girls day out. It's hard, this game we play. Sometimes it's exciting, but I know the consequences of our actions. Our relationship remains hidden...and I can't say it's been easy.

To limit the possibilities of it getting out, I haven't told a soul. What friends I used to have are long gone now that I've moved to be closer to her. People I still have contact with know I'm with someone, but not who. It's challenging, exhausting, and causes some friction.

I want to be able to tell everyone..not because of who she is, but because I want the world to know how great she is. I don't think she gets enough credit for that. Ever. But it's her career, her life, her decision as always.

I will admit though, sometimes it makes me feel less important to her...constantly being a secret. She knows this.

I don't know if this entry means a return for me or not, but I thought I'd write something for those here that still think of me. I'm alive, I'm okay, and I'm completely different from the past entries written here. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

- - 2009-02-16
- - 2009-01-22
Money Troubles - 2008-10-31
Missing - 2008-09-27
- - 2008-05-26

My Past with No Future