It's all about me
2005-05-30 @ 8:48 a.m. I am not what I appear to be. I am most likely not what or who you think. I am not here to seek pity, or acceptance, or forgiveness, or understanding.
I am me, as I always have been. My inner core remains intact. I have not changed, or grown, or become any more or less.
I am simply releasing what was always inside. I am taking hold of who I truly am, who I am supposed to be. I am discovering myself in new ways; but it is a discovery, meaning these things were always inside me, waiting to be found.
I am not someone who enjoys being used. I don't like having to do this or say that to make someone happy. I'm tired of jumping through hoops, trying to tiptoe around the right or wrong things to say. Tis better to say nothing at all then, because the constant game of things is becoming my undoing.
I am here to be loved, as is, with no compromising, no changing, no playing and no acting. I don't want to play the chase game anymore, I'm far too old for it. I refuse to seek out any further.
I am here, as I always have been. I haven't left, I haven't gone away, I haven't stumbled down some hole never to come out again. I am all that I have made myself, and there's little I can do about that. As I said, as is.
I don't expect much, a little respect maybe, communication, and perhaps loyalty. I don't expect trust, because I know I'll never trust. I don't expect honesty, because I am a liar myself. I do expect to be treated as a human fucking being, and not some after thought when not needed.
Anger builds up inside me, and I embrace it with all that is in me. I refuse to be treated like shit anymore, by anyone.
Love me or not, that is always your choice. As is my choice to love you in return. Right now? I love very little.
My Past with No Future