And she's gone
2005-06-26 @ 10:56 a.m. It's that feeling you get after a bad break-up. The uncontrollable, gut-wrenching tears. Hyperventilation. Cries from the deepest core of your soul. Out of nowhere it hits you, your hands tremble, knee's shake. You curl up into a fetal position and let it all out, not caring what you look like, the contortions your face makes as you scream and mutter things that make no sense.
It goes on for at least an hour, thoughts of why, what if, how come, why me, why us, all combined with overwhelming dread, dispair, disgust at yourself. You wish you didn't feel this way, wonder what it was you did wrong, and one fleeting thought brings the onset of tears on once again.
That's how it was for me last night. You wake up and your eyes will barely open, now puffy and bloodshot from falling asleep from exhaustion after the release of emotion the previous night. You feel dry, worn out, empty. Then you remember why you feel this way, and it all starts all over again.
But it wasn't a break-up. It was a goodbye. And though we weren't in a relationship, the goodbye hurt just as much. Proving to yourself what you already knew, that you were and are deeply in love with that person, and it took their departure to make you realize how much.
My Past with No Future