2005-06-12 @ 9:21 a.m. I am extremely ill lately. I don't know if it's the lack of food, or the lack of caring, but I have spent most of my time laying in bed, sweating with fever even with the a/c set on 62. I don't sleep much, I just lay there, shivering, wondering when it's safe to come out.
Then I try, for a little while, but barely make it down the hall. Then I fear I've gone to far, and run back to the comforts of my bed.
Such a big bed I have. I remember having that conversation once with someone. Ah, that someone..doesn't matter any more.
I made enough effort to get to the computer today, because I feel as if I need to document this time in my life. I wonder why? Am I dying? Ha, is this death? Wow does it suck if it is. I'm not that lucky though, probably just the flu or something.
I feel like death. Hell I look like death. And although I am in the worst physical shape I have ever felt, somehow this seems right. I don't understand it much, it just feels right. I have little energy, few thoughts, and sometimes? A clueless craving/desire for something, yet I don't know what. It feels so strong..like I must have something to get out of this illness..but I haven't the foggiest idea what that something is.
Is this the beginning of insanity? Staring off into nothingness for hours on end, not asleep, but not really awake? I should know, but the intelligence side of my brain just isn't working too well right now.
It's all come crashing down, crashing..hard..quickly..taking me in.
My Past with No Future