2005-05-26 @ 10:15 a.m.

What will you do when the fascination ends? When the enchantedness of the words fail, when you can no longer find comfort in the arms of another.

What will happen when you realize the dream is gone? The hopes you held in your heart were simply teasers to the reality you are left with.

What will become of you when you discover that someone you once held in such high regard, is no more beautiful or powerful than the weaklings you've left behind.

What do you say to the ones that think you are the answer to everything, when in truth you haven't the slightest clue as to your own existance, let alone saving theirs.

How do you go on, knowing you've put so much of yourself into another, only to have that person not care, not give a second thought, have them use you until there is nothing left to give to anyone else?

These are all rhetorical questions, mind you. Ones I have been thinking on as of late. No one holds the answers to my questions but me, and the hardest question of them all still lingers.

Do I really give a damn about myself anymore?

Things that used to frighten me, give me nightmares, I now seek out. I offer myself to be used, abused, taken advantage of and then be thrown away. I punish myself, for no real purpose other than to find some meaning in anything.

There's little passion within this flesh, and what does exist, still only exists for him. Insane thought that is in itself, for I know better. And yet through all the darkness within, he is the only light.

If only he knew.

- - 2009-02-16
- - 2009-01-22
Money Troubles - 2008-10-31
Missing - 2008-09-27
- - 2008-05-26

My Past with No Future