2008-04-13 @ 11:56 p.m.

I'm a liar. I always have been. I can rationalize it and justify it, but the bottom line is I am still a liar.

I lie so well I believe my own lies. I make myself sick because the lie requires it. My heart races, I have panic attacks, I throw up, if I am lying about it I do it.

This is far from normal. I am far from normal. I've gotten away with so many lies. I've also been caught in them and confronted. It hasn't stopped me from doing it.

Now a lie has gone out of control. Physically I have destroyed myself. Mentally I am ready to check out. What's worse is this web of lies has entangled someone so deeply that the truth would literally destroy them. I know they will kill themselves without me in their lives. And no matter what I do; truth, lie some more, disappear, run away; they will leave this world and it will be my fault.

Dear God what have I done?

- - 2009-02-16
- - 2009-01-22
Money Troubles - 2008-10-31
Missing - 2008-09-27
- - 2008-05-26

My Past with No Future