The Dark Wait
2005-05-22 @ 7:56 a.m. With allowing you to enter my soul comes the gift of forcing me to cry endless tears throughout the night. Near hysterics, unable to see, to think, to feel..it all catches up with me in these dark nights. Trying to hold on to a reality, when in truth my mind doesn't exist anymore. My heart, my soul, they all don't exist. Pillow drenched from the hours of tears I've allowed to take over. Endless flow of pain and uncertainty, of unexplainable fears and lies and torment and distrust, it all comes down to the mess that I can now proudly call my life.
Nonsense follows, the pain, the pressure, the everlasting desire to take that which I crave; to perform acts in which I only dream; to create the darker side of me that's tearing apart at the skin, waiting for it's sweet release.
Down the dark path I travel now, spiriling out of control. Let it take all of me, as you have, and leave nothing in it's wake. Destruction on the horizon, I embrace it, I long for it, I beg of it to take me in, take me whole, and leave nothing of this horrid shell of an existance behind.
Away with emotions and feelings and all that is dirty and rotten. Leave only the numbing carcass to perform daily routines. Allow the vision to become blurred, allow the skin to stop bleeding, allow this release I beg of you. Take me under your dark wing of nothingness; it's where I belong, it's where I came from, it's where I should return to again.
Never for a moment feel sorrow, agony, pain, or love. For they are all one in the same, and I can do without it all. You've pushed me beyond my limits, to a place so unholy the Devil himself is scared to trespass. Darker than the darkest of nights, this is where my soul now resides.
Ramblings of a madwoman late at night, or is it early in the morning? I can not tell anymore; it has all become one unseen blur of lost lust and dark love. There is no purpose, I have no purpose. It's been stripped away as the clothes once were not so long ago. It's been violated and penetrated, and in a way? I am greatful for it. I demand to be driven over the edge, for there's nothing left here.
The question then becomes, will you follow me there? Or were you just pushing me to a place you also call home? If so, then I am here. Waiting for you, as always.
My Past with No Future