2005-06-03 @ 2:15 p.m. And so the cycle, discussed here, has come full circle. This one I certainly didn't see coming, even though I was preparing for anything.
A close friend I had discussed in my now abandoned journal is leaving my life permanently. I loved her long and hard, and assumed I'd have her forever in my life when she made the recent move with me.
However she is leaving me now, returning to the place we both ran away from. Partly due to her family, and in part, by her words, she "can't stand the destruction" of me anymore. Apparently I have become "too much" for her to "handle." And "as much as" she "loves" me, I'm just "not the same anymore ever since it happened."
Well isn't that the true sign of a friend, abandoning me in my downward spiral to nothingness.
I suppose it's a good thing though, for her. I'd hate to be the cause of any more pain for anyone. I don't expect anyone to stay by my side and watch the awakening of the self-loathing, closed off person I am becoming. She did as much as she could, I can't fault her for anything. Besides, it's better she get out now, for it's only going to get worse.
Her leaving actually makes me that much closer to cutting off everyone I once cared for. Isolation is a wonderful thing lately, and without her, it's finally complete. As Fal said, the song here on this diary is appropriate for her, because I am destruction to anyone around me.
Thus ends the cycle I suppose.
My Past with No Future